Why We Fear Revealing Our Authentic Selves and How to Overcome It

Why We Fear Revealing Our Authentic Selves and How to Overcome It

Yesterday I posted a quote about reinventing…

“Reinventing your life is not about finding a new you; it's about uncovering the true you that has always been there.”

Over the years I’ve come to realize that people sometimes fear reinvention because they are afraid to expose who they truly are.  Why is this?  There could be any number of reasons.  Especially for those of us in our prime, this fear can be deeply rooted and challenging to overcome. But understanding these fears and learning how to move past them can lead us to a more fulfilling and authentic life. As a coach, my job is to help my clients do the hard task of not only getting to who they truly are but also facing the reasons why they fear revealing who they are.

The root of my fear was planted during my childhood and can be traced through college and beyond.  As an only child, I was often told that I was spoiled.  I didn’t know what spoiled looked like, so I assumed it had to be evident in how I talked or in what I had.  I often found myself saying that I didn’t want something because I didn’t want to be perceived as getting whatever I desired.  I would downplay places I visited or experiences because I didn’t want to appear “better than” others.  The same attitude followed me into college.  I kept hiding.  Hiding eventually gave way to trying to fit a mold that I truly didn’t fit.  I tried to fit into a place that truly couldn’t house the authentic me.

On Thought for Thursday I talked about the reasons behind our fears and I gave some tips on how we can erase them to embrace our authenticity.

1. Fear of Judgment and Rejection: We worry about what others will think of us if we show who we truly are. This fear often starts in childhood and continues to grow as we get older.

Steps to Overcome Fear of Judgment and Rejection:

• Identify Your Fear: Write down your thoughts and feelings about judgment and rejection. Recognizing the fear is the first step to overcoming it.

• Challenge Negative Thoughts: When you catch yourself worrying about others' opinions, ask yourself, “Is this true?” and “Does this really matter?”

• Seek Supportive Relationships: Surround yourself with people who accept and support you. Share your thoughts and feelings with them.

• Practice Self-Validation: Remind yourself that your worth is not dependent on others' opinions. Validate your own feelings and experiences.

2. Fear of Vulnerability: Being authentic means being vulnerable. It means showing our true emotions, strengths, and weaknesses.

Steps to Overcome Fear of Vulnerability:

• Start Small: Begin by sharing something small and personal with someone you trust. Gradually share more as you become more comfortable.

• Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself. Understand that it’s okay to be imperfect and that vulnerability is a part of being human.

• Reflect on Past Experiences: Think about times when you were vulnerable and it turned out well. Use these experiences to build your confidence.

• Set Boundaries: It’s okay to be selective about who you share your vulnerabilities with. Choose people who have shown themselves to be trustworthy.

3. Fear of Failure: We often fear that if we reveal our true selves and fail, we will be seen as not good enough.

Steps to Overcome Fear of Failure:

• Redefine Failure: View failure as a learning experience rather than a reflection of your worth.

• Set Realistic Goals: Break down your goals into smaller, manageable steps. Celebrate each step you complete.

• Learn from Mistakes: When things don’t go as planned, analyze what went wrong and how you can improve. Use this knowledge to grow.

• Take Action: The more you take action, the less intimidating failure becomes. Each step forward reduces the power of fear.

4. Fear of Change: Revealing our authentic selves often means making changes in our lives, which can be scary and overwhelming.

Steps to Overcome Fear of Change:

• Start with Small Changes: Make small adjustments in your daily routine that align more closely with your authentic self.

• See Your Success: Imagine the positive outcomes that will result from being true to yourself. If you can see this, the vision will make change feel more achievable.

• Create a Plan: Outline a step-by-step plan for the changes you want to make. Having a clear plan can reduce anxiety.

• Seek Support: Talk to friends, family, or a coach about the changes you want to make. Their support can provide encouragement and accountability.

5. Fear of Losing Relationships: Sometimes, we fear that being our true selves might lead to losing important relationships.

Steps to Overcome Fear of Losing Relationships:

• Communicate Openly: Have honest conversations with your loved ones about your fears and desires. Let them know what being authentic means to you.

• Assess Your Relationships: Evaluate which relationships are based on mutual respect and understanding. Focus on nurturing these connections.

• Set Boundaries: Understand that not everyone will accept the real you, and that’s okay. Set boundaries with those who do not support your authenticity.

• Build New Connections: Seek out new relationships with people who value and accept you for who you are. Join groups or communities that align with your interests and values.

Moving past these fears takes time and effort, but it’s possible. The first step is acknowledgment. Acknowledge your fears without letting them control you. Practice self-acceptance and remember that you deserve to live a life that is true to who you are.